new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
His nipple licking is glorious
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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