there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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