I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
