at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
