A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
