and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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