Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
