I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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