You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
