Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
