He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
