You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
