Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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