Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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