She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
