The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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