I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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