walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Couch. On fire.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
