VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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