Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
