never play flip cup with pint glasses
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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