You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
