I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
