we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
