i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
