Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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