Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
