Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I intend to get homeless drunk
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
