A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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