I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
