I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
