Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My ass is underappreciated
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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