and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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