Nicole vs. Life
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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