That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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