I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
