i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
