All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
