I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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