I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
