cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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