stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
