So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
