you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
