I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
