I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
