i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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