I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
