It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
