Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
