I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
